Virtual Sorrow

Rats. Now I have to explain my passion, and my shame. I am a gamer. No, for real. Not just Rockband, and not just recently. I have been a gamer since I was ten, and never stopped. For me, a good game is as good as a trip to the spa, in the sense that I completely unplug. I can mark out very important times in my life by video games. My mother was playing Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time when I called her to tell her that James had asked me to marry him. The next Zelda game and my first daughter were scheduled to be released on literally the same day. Zelda got released a week early, Lily two days late. I played that game while I held her in the night and nursed her (and in the day, for that matter). Harrison coincided with the release of Legend of Zelda: the Wind Waker. Not a very good game. Good baby....not really that many long nights sitting up. While we were waiting for Violet to come, by hook or by crook, We went out and bought one of the Lego games (I think) James drove the 1/2 hour drive to Wal-Mart TWICE in a blizzard to get me Rockband when I was pregnant with Jack...as an infant, he could sleep through us rocking out at all hours of the night at any volume. The thing about a really good game is that it is like an interactive book....you can get just as sucked in, if it is a good one, and you get to run the show. Usually, that is intensely satisfying. USUALLY.

Once upon a time, there was a very artsy game named Ico, where you had to drag this apparently mute (and not very smart) girl all over this big castle, avoiding scary dark shadows. You spend half of the game doing this. I don't know about the other half, since I was so upset when the scary shadows took her that I cried. Mission accomplished, sadistic game designers. That was my worst overly emotional game experience, until NOW. I have been playing Dragon Age Origins for the past month now. In this game, you get to kill lots of shambling darkspawn and other bad guys. Lots of blood, lots of killing, lots of fun. You also have to cultivate relationships with the other members of your party that you pick up along the way, by your actions when they are watching, by talking to them, and by giving them gifts. You can imagine my teenage excitement when my love interest Alistair gave me a rose and moved in to kiss me at one point in the game. Shortly after that, I took his virginity, and then it was on like Donkey Kong. He and I were rocking the tent every time we were in camp. He was my puppet. Every time I talked to him, he would say "Your desire is my command". We had a loving, intensely violent relationship. Then the bastard dumped me! I put him on the throne and he dumped my ass! Not only did he dump me, but my series of comments during the breakup disgusted him so much that he stopped LIKING me. WHAT THE WHAT???? I have never been so virtually depressed in my life. I could barely go on to save the kingdom. I harbored such resentment toward this guy that I wanted him to die. And he doesn't even really exist. How dare he drop my hot mage ass? I felt marginally better when I talked to the Googles about it and discovered that one girl was so mad that she made him play the rest of the game with no clothes on. Sweet pixellated revenge. To see him in important meetings with nothing on but a necklace and a medieval fantasy banana hammock! Hell hath no fury, my friend. But I am digressing into my revenge fantasies.......

So what to do? I started over. Hours and hours of my life wasted, and I finished the game, let my douchebag of a former lover sacrifice himself for the greater good, and there was much rejoicing. Then I went directly to "Start New Game" and started over. I crafted a woman that he would HAVE to marry and put on the throne. I am armed with the knowledge of how to keep me on as his mistress at the very least, and I am going to make a pact with the devil so that neither of us needs to die at the end. Why? Partly because I missed the easter egg where you can have a threesome with him and this chick in a brothel, but mostly because I am a bone addict. I like mashing buttons and killing things. I like looking at the hit points rolling up off of my victims head. I like stunning them with a blow below the belt and sneaking around and backstabbing them. I also like kissing my lover while we are drenched in the blood of darkspawn and werewolves. It is completely unnecessary, but I do it any way, all part of what my brother and I used to call "hanging out". This is the part where I explain how gaming is better than going to a spa. I am not thinking about anything but how to get out of the dungeon I am in when I am playing. I am wrapped up in getting the best weapon, doing all the stupid side quests, making out with people (if possible) When I go to a spa, or get a massage or whatever, I am still thinking about the kids, the house, things I need to do, et flipping cetera. This is not relaxing. Gaming until 12:30 in the morning with a forgotten beer sitting next to me - BLISS. If I don't write anything for a while, you will know where to find me......Hanging out with Alistair, trying to ensure that he will make me queen. Because I deserve it.