Something Healthy, Something Not.

Ok, so this recipe is not actually news...I found it on the Bisquick box. But let me tell you, the very first time I made it, I knew it was a hit.....when I made it for Geoff and Renee (the other half of Team Beer Pike) Geoff declared that it was exactly what he wanted, even though he didn't know what it was. So may I present to you CHEESEBURGER PIE (yes, it has Worcestershire sauce in it, as do almost all of my recipes. I put it in my beer, my bloody marys and on my salads....might even put it on ice cream in a pinch.)

Preheat oven to 400

1 small onion, chopped
1 lb ground beef
seasoned salt, pepper, cumin
Worcestershire sauce

Cook the onion until it is translucent, add the meat and the spices (don't ask me how much...just do it.) cook till its brown, then add a couple of healthy glugs of my favorite unpronounceable condiment. Let that cook down a bit. Put that in a deep pie plate (I use an oval casserole dish...whatever.) Cover the meat with cheese of your choice. I usually use Mexican blend, but you can use cheddar or whatever blows your skirt up. I used Kraft slices once, but you need to rip them up into pieces....you will see why.

In a small bowl combine:

1/2 cup Bisquick
1 cup milk
2 eggs

Whisk the crap out of that, but don't go too nuts, it is always a little lumpy. Now prepare to feel like you have ruined dinner: pour the contents of the bowl on top of the cheese and meat. It will look not quite as good as vomit. Have faith, though! I would not steer you wrong! Toss the bowl of dog vomit into the oven for 25 to 30 minutes until the crust (!!!amazing, isn't it? It made a nice crust!!!!!!!) is all yummy looking. Serve this with hamburger chips (do not skip them unless you hate pickles....seriously. you HAVE to have them....and jalapenos if you are James) and drizzle the portions (slices if you made it in a pie plate) with mustard and ketchup or BBQ sauce or hot sauce (I recommend Frank's) just whatever you would put on your cheeseburger. Eat, and be amazed that what appeared to be a pie plate full of dog vomit turned into something that tastes EXACTLY like a cheeseburger. My kids can't get enough...the four of them will eat the whole thing by themselves.

So here is what I made for myself last night, and it was not too bad, thank you very much. I had bought a piece of salmon from the store for myself to eat, and the clerk thoughtfully wadded it up in a ball before cramming it in the bag for transport home. Thank God it was on sale for only SEVEN dollars a pound. If I was wrapping something that cost seven damn bucks a pound you can bet your bippy I would treat it with a little more respect, but I DO live out in stickville. Anyhoo, here is what I did with it, after asking the Googles how to poach salmon, which I had never done before, and now I feel stupid, for several reasons: 1. It took like 9 minutes total from opening the fridge to remove the fish to plate....REALLY? 2. It did not make my house stink like a dirty fishmonger. This is very important to me, as I am not fond of the stink of fish in any area of my home.... and 3. I don't really like salmon all that much, but cooked like this it was pretty damn good, and leftovers are good to go for today on a salad.
Put yer thinking caps on, dummies, because this one is real tricky:
Get out a frying pan or skillet that has a cover or can have a cover jury rigged onto it. Slice half an onion really thin and strew that in the pan. Now put in some fresh dill. Or not fresh, if you are like me and hate to hear the produce person ask you "What is that?". To that add half a cup of water. Now splash half of that glass of white wine you are drinking into the pan as well. Or, if you are more of a beer person (as I am) use some apple juice (I used Simply Apple, which is neither juice nor cider.) or use orange juice. Or use your imagination....sometime I will tell you how I used Red Bull Cola in my chili. Lay your 1 pound salmon fillet skin side down in the pan on top of the onions and dill. Crank the fire up under that motha and slap the lid on. Let 'er rip for around 5 to 7 minutes and you are DONE. I served mine to myself (and I was very grateful that I was so nice as to cook me something, unlike some people around here) with steamed spinach. I put a piece on the plate, put some of those onions on top and drizzled fish and spinach with the juice, put on some salt and pepper, and I think that may be the best piece of salmon I have ever had. No joke. Now go cook something, lazy bitch.