EXCUSE LIMIT: ZERO

So my very best friend Renee suggested that she and I should have a work out blog to (HAHAHA) inspire people....at least it will inspire each other, and that is all that really matters. We have not come up with a witty name for the blog yet, so I am going to plunk down my first post here.
Allow me to introduce you to Edna. Edna is not my friend. She has been a rotten addition to our household and won't go away. You see, I got it in my head about 7 years ago that I needed an elliptical trainer. Being at the time short on children and therefore long(ish) on money, we bought one. I quickly came to realize that I had invited a harping bitch into my home, one that I was both drawn to and loathed with a passion rivaled only by my dislike of cheesecake and Glenn Close. Oh she's sort of moderately fancy....jeezeless whore wasn't cheap, I can tell you that...she has little programs (mental note: avoid # 2) that up the resistance, and a little 'trainer' icon that shows up when you aren't going fast enough (fast enough for WHO? why must I please a 1/2 inch LCD man?) and she is stained with rust from the sweat that I have shed on her. Her handles are stinky and she squeaks like a mad barstid when you get going but I realized something about her today that I had overlooked all these years: she is here. Right here in my house. Not down the street, not in storage, not in another town, but right here, so now I come to the moral of this story: excuse limit: zero.
In case you don't know, I live just past the edge of nowhere. I mean out there past Satan's left nut. James is in NH all week at work, I am home alone with the 4 children. I don't know a whole lot of people, and even if I did, I don't know many that would babysit for free whilst I go to the gymmy poo. Now make no mistake about it, I have elevated lazy to an absolute artform. I can be so still that flippin birds will land on me. I used to play Transformers with my son and Transform into a rock so I wouldn't have to do anything. I have gone through bouts of purchasing home gym type equipment over the years (Edna, I am talking to you) more for the retail therapy than for the physical therapy. I have all manner of shit around my house for working out, and I use exactly NONE of it. Why? Because I am lazy. But I did have that pesky epiphany the other day, and realized that I wanted to be sexy and lazy. A while ago I wanted to join a gym that I found that was cheap and had one hour of childcare a day. IT WAS 42 MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE. Yes, it is the only one around with childcare, but really? I can't allow myself time to shower and suddenly I'm rushing off on a 1 and 1/2 hour commute for one hour of gym? EXCUSES! I AM SICK OF THEM. I am going to work out here in my own home and I am going to do some form of it every day. NO, SERIOUSLY!
So here is how tonight went: The night train is rumbling along at a good clip, and I really want another beer BUT (noexcuses) I won't. I start looking for my running shoes and I can't find them but (noexcuses) look where I knew they would be. Pants? I don't need no stinking PANTS! I can't find my yoga pants so I worked out in HEAVYWEIGHT WINTER FLEECE PANTS. (NOEXCUSES) I know it sounds stupid, but if you are part of the peoples who are not into excercise, any old excuse you have lying around will do. But I tell you this: Steely Dan has been running through my head, two little lines from the same song, first one depressing, second one inspiring : " The time of our time has come and gone, I fear we been waiting too long" SHITBALLS! My life is now passing me by! And then I remember: "No time is better than now" So, all dressed up in my fleece snowpants, I trudge out to the porch where Edna lives with Lily's iDog radio under my arm since I can't find my headphones, clean off the old whore, and do my workout. And I am proud of me. Tomorrow I lift weights and maybe do a little yoga.....anything as long as its a day away from that bitch. But we will meet again soon, Edna, and one day when I ride you, I will break you. On that glorious day I will take my sawsall and cut you into pieces that I will reassemble to spell out EXCUSE LIMIT: ZERO to hang in my home gym. Or around my neck...you never know.