O HOLY CRAPSTACKS I AM BACK

Ok so I have been off the radar here for an entire YEAR..... lots and lots has happened in the last year, including me getting bored of writing on this blog and WE FINALLY SOLD OUR HOUSE AND MOVED TO NEW HAMPSHIRE! If that isn't big enough news for the three of you that used to read this blog then you are dead to me now. Now here I am in my home state and I am finally (sort of) getting settled, and people have been asking me about this blog and about my other one, Things Violet Says, so I thought I would get back on here and see if this is even worth doing. I feel fresh and new and born again, and like I have a brand new life with a brand new family and I feel ready to tackle the world (sort of).

Deja Vu

Here we are again, three years gone by, waiting on a phone call to see if this can all be over now. People came and saw the house yesterday, and now I wait. They were here for two plus hours, one of those spent wandering around in my woods, and now I am waiting to see what judgment they will pass on this house that I have loved so well and hated so deeply for the past six years. Three years without an offer. I cannot believe that my home is so unwanted, but there you have it. Also, they have repeatedly asked how fast we can be out....ok, so tease me, and then tease me some more. I do not think it is too much to ask to want to wake up next to my husband EVERY morning, not just 4 mornings a week. I do not think it is too much for my children to ask to be involved in school activities without having the entire horde have to attend. I want to cook dinner for my hubs again EVERY night, and have a martini waiting for him when he gets home. I want to look at bills piling up and have the choice to pick up a job to make them go away. I want with every fiber of my being for my phone to ring RIGHT NOW and release me. I want to have to rush to pack up my life and go live in a tiny apartment. REALLY I DO.

Back To School

OK, so I managed one post between end of school and back to school, but here I am again. It was by and large a fun summer...I would like to say it ended too soon but in point of fact it ended just before we started tearing each others throats out. Violet went to school today, leaving me alone with The Bumble, aka Mini Me, aka Cadillac Jack, aka Jackie Blue. I have begun his servant indoctrination already, as we are cleaning the house. Scarily enough, it feels good to get back in my old routine of morning...that is to say, get up, get coffee in me, get the kids off to school, come home and pick up. How boring my life has become. Jack seems to wonder what I did with the others and if the same fate awaits him......
Violent was WAY more nervous for school than any of us would have ever guessed, but I think that will at least let her teachers get to know her until she turns Bobcat on them....god help them both. I sent her off in a dirty shirt, winning myself parent of the year and the year has barely started! I am hoping no one notices that the shirt is filthy till after snack, because then I can blame it on them.....remember that life is really about spinning the wheel of blame. My house is very quiet this morning, and even more boring than before. Jack has no one to poke, I have no one nagging me (at least for the next two hours) and things are actually getting done around here....WOW.
On a better and happier note, I made a double batch of Schoodic Slush last night that I should test tonight just to be sure it is not spoiled in any way.....this has to be my favorite punch of all time, especially since it can be an anytime punch...the main ingredients are left in the freezer and can be doled out one serving at a time. Try it, you will like it!
Boil 4 cups water
add 4 tea bags and 1/2 cup sugar
steep 10 minutes
add
12 oz can frozen OJ
12 oz can frozen lemonade
1 fifth cheap vodka
put in one gallon Tupperware or bucket type receptacle and freeze at least overnight.
Fill your pimp cup 1/2 full of the resulting slush, top with ginger ale. I prefer to not stir it, but let it just be slushy happiness in my glass. ENJOY!

He Ate My Heart

Today is the day. Seven years ago Harrison came to the world. Right now on that day, I was hugely pregnant, dropped Lily off at daycare and went shopping. I got my nails done, sparking the tradition of getting my nails done right before giving birth. I knew he was coming that day, but out of all 4 kids, that was the day I was most scared. After my first, Lily, I could not imagine being able to love another human THAT much again. It seemed impossible. I was terrified that it would be less somehow...that I could not be a good mother because I gave my heart and soul so completely to my firstborn. I remember the day VERY clearly....I made James meet me in our driveway so we could go to the Ground Round because I HAD to have their peach iced tea. I ordered steak tips and a salad with blue cheese dressing. Just before the food came, I told James that when the food came, he should eat FAST. The waitress was panicked by the fact that I was timing contractions and eating and not freaking out. She was not a good waitress to go into labor with. After getting to the hospital, I joked with my doctor (Dr. Sunshine...seriously. We were Beer, Grass and Sunshine) that I went into labor early because he was going on vacation the next day. An hour later, I was holding him. (I am leaving out the part where I was nearly struck down for having THAT foul a mouth in a catholic hospital) And he ate my heart. Here's to you, Harrison...I don't know anyone like you. You can't stop laughing, even when you are being scolded, or having a swimming lesson, or trying to ride a bike. You describe DNA to me, but can't manage to bus your own dishes, no matter how many times you get saddled with doing ALL the dishes. You are both a hard headed bull and my soft hearted little man. I love you.

Three Holer Cake

So my mother gets me this book for Christmas several years ago named "Americas Best Lost Recipes". Before she wraps it, my father asks, "If they are lost, how did they make a book of them?" After I unwrapped it, my husband asks, "Shouldn't that be almost lost recipes? I mean, how did they make a book of them if they are lost?" MEN. Anyway, this is my favorite type of cookbook, the ones that have the weird recipes (bologna pie?) with the weirder names (Grandpa Cooleys Angry Deviled Eggs) So I am looking at this book and I find a couple of my fave recipes...Million Dollar cake by any other name is still the same...amazing the lengths some will go to in hard times just to have cake. I find Wacky Cake, which I promptly describe to my friend Mandy. She listens carefully and then says "Oh. That's just Three-Holer Cake. Dad's favorite. Good cake. Not called "wacky cake", tho." Three Holer Cake is a much better name for this particular science experiment, born of a time when eggs were precious, and so was everything else. Kudos to the kitchen wizard that came up with this one, because it is actually my favorite chocolate cake, dead easy to make, half an hour in the oven, and perfect in every way. All the dry ingredients get mixed together, then you separate out the oil and the vanilla and the vinegar, which when combined with the baking soda create the leavening for the cake. Light, yet very chocolate, my hubs likes to douse this cake in Kahlua and whipped cream, the kids like it however. It is a great thing to throw in for dessert on a whim, since it takes no time at all. Tonight I made it with strawberry buttercream frosting, (the name is far more impressive than the unceremonious beating of butter, powdered sugar, milk and strawberry jam) but I like my Three Holer Cake with just unsweetened whipped cream. Deeee - LUX. Enuff talky, let's bakey:

You start with your 9x9 inch glass or metal pan...the one you make brownies in and almost nothing else. Spray her down. Pre heat your oven to 350, which is convenient if you have been baking something in the oven for dinner...just prep the dry, make your holes, then slam it in the oven right when dinner comes out. At any rate, into your 9x9, put the following:

1.5 cups flour
3/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup cocoa
3/4 teaspoon baking SODA
1/2 teaspoon salt

Whisk this together. Really. With a whisk. I have tried other things and I am right now saving you from dirtying a spoon, a spatula and a whisk. Just use the damn whisk. Level the playing field once it is all mixed. Make three holes; one big and two little. In the big one, put 5 tablespoons of oil. In one of the little ones, put 1 teaspoon of vanilla. In the final hole, put 1 tablespoon of vinegar and IMMEDIATELY whisk the shit out of it until it is cake batter, and IMMEDIATELY put it in the oven. Do not dilly dally. Do not saunter. Have you ever made a volcano from baking soda and vinegar? While violent, that reaction does not last long. The reason this is made in one pan is to remind you to "get this bitch in the oven right quick!". Bake at 350 for 30 minutes. Just enough cake for you and company, not a ton left over to tempt you, not too sweet but just great. Dust it with powdered sugar, reduce some raspberry jelly with a little rum to make a sauce, lay some Hershey's syrup on it, douse it in your favorite alcohol, top it with whipped cream, or some kind of frosting. My frosting was a stick of butter, 5 cups of powdered sugar, the end of my strawberry jelly (?2 tablespoons?) and a splash of milk. just enough frosting to do that one pan. Try it and tell me that isn't your favorite "fool company with a WWII era cake and pass it off as something fancy" dessert. And tell me what you put on yours, I would love to know.

English Muffins and Orange Marmalade

OK, on the long list of things that I love there are a couple that stand out from the rest. The cook in me loves to try a new recipe and have it come out BANG! perfect on the first go. Not that I don't like to work hard, but it is SOOOOO rewarding when everything falls into place and you do something new and it is PERFECT. The Yankee in me loves making something that is easy and yummy and costs a fraction of what you pay for it. My tortillas I had to work on for a long time (perfect now, thank you for asking), but the cost differential (and taste differential) make me never ever able to buy them at the store again. Believe me, I have tried. I have never been able to get as far as picking them up. Oh well. Over the past month I made two things that I love (like on my top ten list of favorite things) that came out perfect, were really easy, and cost WAY less than if you buy them...but why would you? Bliss on every level. Try them yourself and you will see.

Oh, orange marmalade. Always and ever my favorite of the fruit based bread toppings, you are both bitter and sweet (like myself) and you make me so happy. I never EVER buy orange marmalade because it is too damn expensive. So I eat it at my mothers and steal little pots of it from hotels and restaurants, neither of which I go to often, so you can guess how often I eat it. I do understand that there are people out there who don't like it, to which I say "Good. More for me." Then James and I were OBSESSED one day with the thought of making it. So we did, right then and there...and this is what happened: PERFECTION.

Here is what you need:
5 large oranges....I used 6 Valencias, and the second batch I did with 12 Clementines.
2 Lemons
8 cups sugar
8 cups water
4 pint Mason jars

Things you may wish you had:
A mandolin
A candy thermometer (or not)

I myself would LIKE a mandolin, but I have a ceramic knife with which I can get 15 to 20 slices out of a lemon, so there you go. I HAD a candy thermometer, which I tried to use, that turned out to be severely impaired, so there you go. You can do it without, trust me.

Slice the oranges and the lemons in half the long way, then slice them again the other way as thin as you can. Take out any errant seeds as you go. put them in a pot with 8 cups of water, bring to a boil. Turn off the heat and add the sugar. Stir till it is dissolved, then cover it and let stand overnight. Bring to a boil, let simmer for 3 hours, boil hard for 20 minutes. At this point, check it with your candy thermometer (you are going for 220 degrees) or start testing out globs of it in the fridge until it is the consistency you want. Pour into hot jars (if they aren't hot, they are likely to break...think of how joyous a kitchen filled with broken glass and molten hot marmalade would be!) Thass it. SUPER AWESOME.

So then I gots to thinking: "What vehicle do I love BEST for my marmalade?" English muffins, of course. Of all bread products, my most favorite - the chewy crunchy nook and cranny filled awesome one. I looked them up, and go figure...if you can make pancakes, you can make english muffins, and believe me when I say that you have never had any as good as these. Whole nother level. Do not question me, just do it. The recipe comes courtesy of Julia Childs...in my research the recipes had lots of little variations (including ones that get baked in the oven..pssht.) I chose her because, well...do I have to tell you? IT"S JULIA FLIPPING CHILDS. she knows what she is doing. Or she did, anyway. Here it comes:

You will need:
1 packet yeast dissolved in 1/4 cup of water
2 tablespoons of instant mashed potatoes dissolved in 1/2 cup warm water
1/2 cup milk
2 1/2 cups flour
1 1/2 teaspoons salt dissolved in 1/4 cup water

also a griddle or big non stick fry pan
english muffin rings (or tuna cans with both ends cut off, or, if you are like me and totally hooked up, big ass 4 inch aluminum rings so I can make sandwiches with mine.)

Mix the potato mixture with the milk and the yeast mixture. Add that to your flour. When I first did this it was WAY too dry...it should be like cupcake batter or wall paper paste. Just add water 1/4 cup at a time till it is thick and smooth...batter rather than dough. Let it rise for 1.5 hours (or so...less if its hot) Stir in the saltwater. "Beat vigorously" (Best line from a recipe EVAH. Thank you Julia.) Let rise another hour. I used my electric griddle cranked right up to 400 degrees or so. Water drops should boogie on that mother. Scoop the batter into the rings, so it is about 1/2 to 3/4 of an inch thick when you start. Let cook for 6 minutes, until the batter on top has started to firm up...think pancakes, but longer. Flip 'em, let them cook for another minute or two, put on cooling rack. Burn your fingers as you try to slice them and jam them in the toaster while smoking hot off the grill. Suck on burny fingers while someone smarter than you lectures you on how you need to be patient. Apparently they freeze well, but I wouldn't know. Hot corn are these ever good. Everything that is magnificent about an english muffin in home made form. Wow. Thank me later.

Bring On The Alice Cooper

We had a dance party in the kitchen this AM...a very special dance party, because today is the last day of school. Alice Cooper blared and everyone danced (even jack, although he wasn't sure why) I lovey love love summer. I love having my peeps around me so that we can decide what we are going to do when we want to do it. I love asking "What do you want for breakfast" and saying yes to making crepes. I love watching movies and doing crafts and going swimming and eating lunch outside and staying up late watching movies. I HATE taking my kids to school. Maybe more than Harry hates going. (Lily, well.....) I am SO excited for this summer, because we have Lego Rockband to finish before the new one comes out, and we bought a glorified kiddie pool that we have yet to really use, and James is building them a KILLER playhouse in the yard and I LOVE LOVE LOVE not having any responsibilities at all. The last day of school today is even better than when I was IN school because I really really know what it means. No more getting up in the morning and trying to get everyone ready, which is so much like herding cats it should be an olympic sport. No more dreading them coming home because Harry is bound to have some bad news, since he appears to be MADE of bad news. No more "Can we go get the kids" from Violet. No more rush to start the night train, because no one cares what time it is when you go to bed. Today we party. Today we party like ROCKSTARS, because it is the last day of school. I am making dinner in a few so that it will be done, and we are making mini pies and popcorn and I will probably make Kool Aid and I am having myself a glass of wine when they get home (gasp! at 12:00?!?!) There is only one thing bad about today, and it is the only thing that allows the kids to be more excited than myself. I know how fast this will all go. tomorrow will be Labor Day and the next thing you know they will be off to college and I will be entering a home. But I have today. And I have Alice. And I will soon have mini pies. Carpe Diem!